


When It Breaks

by empress_ofbloodshed



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:02:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28943388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empress_ofbloodshed/pseuds/empress_ofbloodshed
Summary: yes yes the cadre is a band and is based very heavily off arctic monkeys. the song "when it breaks" is not (it’s actually by inhaler!) but it’s close enough. surprise ! it’s another elorcan piece !! complete with a lil bit of hurt bc y’all should know by now nothing is ever sweet and simple
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	When It Breaks

“Come onnnnn,” Aelin pleaded, on her knees in front of Elide. Elide crossed her arms. Her friend knew she didn’t want to go anywhere near the concert tonight. Aelin’s turquoise eyes narrowed. “Fen got us backstage passes. And I want to see ‘Mia play ‘cause she’s opening for them. So get up and get dressed. We’re going.”

“Is…” Elide trailed off. “Is he going to be there?” she asked quietly.

Suddenly Aelin softened, sitting on the edge of Elide’s bed and pulling her in for a hug. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push.”

Elide pulled away, taking a steadying breath. She offered her friend a watery smile. “Let’s go see Nehemia. And I have to admit, I miss them all.” It was harder than she expected to keep the tears at bay.

* * *

**eleven months ago**

The door to their apartment opened and Lorcan stepped inside, toeing off his boots and dropping his keys in the cute powder blue ceramic bowl they found at the arts festival a few months ago. Elide sat quietly on the couch, telling herself not to cry. Her bags were already packed, sitting in the trunk of her car. Waiting for her.

“Gods, princess,” Lorcan said, hanging up his coat, “I can’t wait to crawl in bed tonight with you, it’s been such a fucking long day. Boyo was being a shit andーprincess?” His smile faltered, the smile Elide so loved waking up to. It broke her more than she wanted it to. “Elide? Whaー”

She cut him off, standing on wobbly legs, although she tried her best to hide it. “It’s over, Lorcan.”

Lorcan didn’t move; she could see the quick, terrified breaths making his chest rise and fall. “Why?” he whispered. “Why now, princess? Fuck, I love you.”

“I know,” Elide murmured, more for herself than anything. “I know you do.”

“Then why?” Lorcan strode over to her, reaching out. Strands of inky black hair framed his face, his low bun messy from taking off his beanie.

Elide shoved him away, crying, “Because you lied to me!” Hurt flashed plain on his face, vanishing under a mask of indifference. “You told me you and Essar were done! And yetーLor, I saw the texts. You vanish for hours, saying you’re with the band but when I ask they don’t know because you’re not with them. If that doesn’t say you’re cheating on me, then I’m fucking blind!” Tears burned hot on her cheeks, her acrylic nails digging into her palms. The pain distracted her from her heart splintering in her chest. “Explain it to me, Lorcan. Please.”

Sinking into the chair across from her, Lorcan rubbed his face. Then his onyx eyes met hers, red and lined thick with tears. “You know we dated through high school and into college. Senior year, we fucked up, didn’t use protection ‘cause we were drunk. Or it broke. I don’t fucking know. But she got pregnant and wanted to keep it. I could’ve just dropped her then and there, left her to deal with everything on her own. But I didn’t, Elide. I didn’t want to become my father. So I stayed.

“For fuck’s sake, those nights I didn’t come home was because I fell asleep there visiting my daughter! Yes, I lied about where I was. I didn’t know how to tell you, okay?” Lorcan turned his head away, staring at the bookshelf with framed photographs and mementos from their vacation and his tours. “You were so perfect and … and I didn’t want to fuck it up by telling you I had a kid. I was afraid you would be scared off.”

Elide stumbled backward, catching herself on the arm of the couch. It made sense, the pieces all connecting in her mind. But it still hurt.

“I’m sorry,” Lorcan told her, his tone painfully sincere. His shoulders sank when she didn’t reply.

Closing her eyes, she took three deep breaths. “Lorcan, you lied to me.” His lashes fluttered, his head falling. “You should have just told me the truth from the beginning. Instead of hiding it like this. I love you, but I can’t be with you if you keep the truth from me. If you hid something like this, how am I supposed to know what else you’re hiding from me? I’m sorry. We’re done. Goodbye, Lorcan.”

Without looking at him, she grabbed her backpack, the last bag of her stuff, and headed for the door. When it shut, Elide sagged against it and squeezed her eyes shut. The twenty-three steps from the door to the elevator felt like the longest distance in the entire universe. Her traitorous heart hoped Lorcan would come chasing after her, because he loved her that much. The doors opened and Elide stepped inside. A smooth whirring slid them closed seconds later. No Lorcan.

She managed to get to her car and halfway to the train station before she was forced to pull over because she couldn’t see through her tears. Elide slammed her balled fists against the steering wheel, sobbing.

“I hate you I hate you ihateyouihateyou,” she screamed, unsure if it was directed at herself or her boyfーnow ex-boyfriend.

Still, she pulled herself together and made her train on time, texting Aelin to come get her car from the station because she didn’t know when she would be back, if ever.

* * *

Elide was tackled into a bear hug by Fenrys the second she and Aelin got through the burly security guards checking backstage passes. He refused to set her down, hugging her so tightly she could barely even squeak a pleading “Let me go.”

“Cute outfit,” he greeted her, his smile wide and bright. Then his grin turned a bit wolfish as he dragged his fingers through her shortened hair. “Oooh, Lee, I fucking _love_ your new cut.”

Nervously tucking a section of hair behind her ear, Elide flushed. She chopped her long hair off impulsively months ago, hating how braiding it would remind her of him. Now it was a jaw length inky black bob with a side part instead of her former middle part. The outfit Fenrys complimented was mostly Aelin’s doing. A ruffled white off the shoulder top paired with burgundy leather pants that felt like butter to the touch. She wore a simple pair of white ankle boots. But the real statement piece was the black cut-out corset belt embroidered with pink mountain laurels. Matching earrings dangled from the first holes in her ears, pearl studs in the second. A three-layered silver necklace piece finished it all off, the smallest encircling her throat lightly and the largest with the small silver coin pendant resting just below the hollow between her collarbones.

While she was away, Elide decided to get a tattoo. Leafy vines curled around her right hand and wrist, done in minimalist black linework.

She looked nothing like the heartbroken girl who fled the city on a train eleven months ago.

Rowan greeted his girlfriend with an arm around her waist and a kiss to her cheek. His pine green eyes skipped over Elide to Fenrys. Then he did a double-take, his lips parting in surprise. “Good gods. That you, Elide?” he asked in wonder. “Wow.”

She smiled, standing on her toes to give him a hug. “I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad wow,” she chuckled. Rowan’s eyes crinkled as he gave her a thumbs up, listening to someone telling him something in his earpiece before he dragged Fenrys off.

“And that’s our cue,” Aelin said. Sure enough, they made it to the front row of the VIP section just in time to see Nehemia wave to the crowd with a blindingly white grin. Gold cuffs sparkled in her twists, her matching gold jumpsuit clinging to her body and tucking into thigh-high black boots. She looked stunning.

By the time the headlining band took the stage, the crowd was screaming. Fenrys bumped Nehemia’s hip on his way out. The music industry suspected they were dating, when in reality they were just close friends. Both Elide and Aelin knew a certain independent songwriter was more Fen’s type.

Fenrys loved the spotlight and it loved him. Naturally, he was The Cadre’s lead singer, yet he could play both guitar and keyboard. Connall played the same instruments as his twin, although he chose not to sing. Rowan played bass and was more often than not backing vocals for Fen, same with Vaughan. Lorcan played the drums, occasionally being backup vocals when needed.

The crowd screamed when Fenrys shouted a greeting into his mic, his bass resting on his hip. Elide couldn’t help but get caught up in the intoxicating feeling, cheering for her friend. He caught their eyes, waving to them before Lorcan launched into the opening beats of “Arabella.” Fenrys threw himself into singing, letting his twin, Rowan, and Vaughan take care of the music itself.

> _And when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams_

Elide remembered coming up with that line in the shower one day, passing it to Lorcan. Then the band liked it. So they used it.

Nehemia joined them in the VIP section, automatically joining them in singing along. Elide still teased Aelin about how she kissed Fenrys once at a party and then he wrote the galaxy verse about her. Rowan was pissed in the beginning, but then it became a joke between them.

Almost two hours later, Elide knew she would have little to no voice tomorrow morning. If there was one thing they loved more than anything else in the world, it was screaming along to their favorite songs at a concert. Aelin’s cheeks were flushed, her turquoise eyes bright. Nehemia brought them water during the short intermission, which they all greedily sucked down. The cool liquid soothed their parched throats.

Elide pushed her way through the crowd in the pit, Aelin choosing to stay up in the VIP area. She had specifically avoided The Cadre’s concerts for the past eleven months for fear of seeing Lorcan. But there was little chance he would be able to make her out in the crowd with the lights and the music and her new haircut, she knew. So it was safe to be as close as she was.

Plus she knew Fenrys wouldn’t say anything unless she wanted him to.

“And for our last song of the night,” Fenrys said into his mic, “I’m gonna hand it over to my boy Lor. Our favorite drummer has a song he wrote. And it’s this song’s premiere, so do be nice, darlings. Lorcan here is a sensitive soul.” Lorcan scowled as Fenrys grinned sweetly.

The crowd began to chant Lorcan’s name, all with the exception of Elide. Her gut swirled with oily fear as Lorcan left his drum set and Vaughan took his place. If he took Fenrys’s place, he would be able to see her. Recognize her.

Fenrys stepped back to Vaughan’s former position on stage, allowing Lorcan to be front and center.

Elide tried to flee, but the crowd pushed in around her, effectively trapping her where she was.

His voice was so familiar it hurt. “Surprise?” he shrugged with a half-smile. “This is called ‘When It Breaks;’ I hope you enjoy.” The crowd quieted, waiting to see what would play.

The chords were something Elide had heard a thousand times. Lorcan had always been messing around, playing with snippets of songs on whatever instrument was close enough at the moment. Some times it was two pencils on the table, a pen tucked behind his ear. Other times it was his sister’s gift of a bass. He had never actually incorporated it into a song.

Until now.

> _What’s it gonna take_
> 
> _For this storm to break?_

Lorcan’s eyes roved the crowd as he sang, his onyx gaze passing over Elide. For a moment, she felt safe in her newfound anonymity.

> _You don’t know what you’ve got_
> 
> _Until it’s taken away_

Then his eyes widened and his fingers fumbled on the strings, a minor error he played through. He saw her. He recognized her. Elide wanted to run.

> _I’m not too scared to turn and face it_
> 
> _Well, I’m just waking up_
> 
> _It’s true to changing_

Cold, cold realization shot through her. Lorcan was singing about them, about her. She broke his heart, and now here they were, almost a year later. Lorcan Salvaterre wrote a godsdamned song about her. He was performing it for the first time, live, in front of her.

Oh, the gods had a cruel sense of humour.

> _How much does it ache_
> 
> _When your bones break?_
> 
> _It seems so hard to tell_
> 
> _What’s real or fake_
> 
> _Can’t let this moment go to waste_

Lorcan closed his eyes, raw emotion pouring through his words.

> _I love this feeling_
> 
> _We’re not dreaming anymore_

Elide couldn’t move, locked in place by hundreds of other people and Lorcan’s singing.

> _I know you’re gonna be there_
> 
> _I know you’re gonna be there_
> 
> _When the storm’s hanging over this place_
> 
> _You’re gonna wanna see it when it breaks_

His onyx eyes met hers, holding steady. When the storm broke, he would be there. When she finally forgave him for lying, he would be there. Waiting for her.

> _Like Paris in ‘45_
> 
> _The whole world’s waiting to come alive_
> 
> _I know you’re gonna be there_
> 
> _I know you’re gonna be there when it breaks_

Would she ever be able to forgive him for lying about something so life-changing? Elide didn’t know.

She really thought he was the one. She saw herself spending the rest of her life with Lorcan. But now? It was fragmented, dancing just out of her reach when she lunged for it.

The concert ended and she slipped backstage, cornering Fenrys by the lighting controls. Aelin was off with the rest of the band and her boyfriend.

“You knew this was going to happen and you didn’t warn me?” Elide hissed.

Fenrys lifted her up and set her a foot back, picking at his nails. He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “‘M sorry, Lee. Lor wasn’t sure until halfway through the fucking set. So no, I couldn’t warn you.”

Her chest heaved and she wanted to cry. But she didn’t, instead stomping off in the direction of the stage exit. She ran into something. Someone.

Someone who smelled like the home she had been searching for but never able to find on her travels. He steadied her with gentle hands on her arms. “Princess?” he whispered, voice strained with disbelief.

Elide shoved him off, crossing her arms and glaring. “You don’t get to call me that anymore,” she snarled.

“I know,” Lorcan replied in defeat.

“Why in the gods’ names did you write a song about me?” Elide demanded. If he was standing in front of her, she would get the answers she wanted. “Yes yes, I know you ghostwrote ‘505’ about me, that’s besides the point. We were together then. But now? What the fuck, Lorcan?”

His shoulders sank. “‘Cause I wanted you to hear it. It was supposed to be an apology. You weren’t supposed to be here, to hear it live.”

“No shit.”

“Elide?”

“What?” she snapped. In the ink-dark depths of his eyes, she could see the sadness, clear as day.

“What will it take for this storm to break? I really didn’t know what I had until you left.”

“Don’t quote your own fucking song to me.”

“I’m sorry, Elide.” Lorcan turned to walk away from her. He stalled three steps away. His shoulders shuddered.

Inside, she warred with herself over her options. One: go to him, try to heal the rift she created. Two: walk away, forever.

Before she could choose, there was the gleeful shriek of a small child and then a girl that could be no older than nine barreled into Lorcan. He picked her up effortlessly, their whispers making no sense to Elide. But she could see the resemblance between the two. The girl was clearly his daughter.

Her chestnut eyes landed on Elide and she squirmed to be put down. Once her feet touched the floor, she rushed over. “You’re Miss Elide, aren’t you?” she asked. Elide nodded. “Ndede talks about you lots. I see pictures of you two all over his apartment. Ndedeー” The girl would’ve continued babbling, if not for her father resting his hands on her shoulders.

“Sorry. Elide, this is my daughter, Namid. Namid, this is Miss Elide.” Then he crouched low, whispering something into her ear. Namid waved to Elide before running off back in the direction she came from.

“She looks like you,” Elide admitted. Too many nights she had lain beside him, feigning sleep when really she was dreaming of their future together. To see what could have been their child hurt more than she thought it would.

Lorcan’s smile was soft. “She really does,” he murmured. Elide could hear the love overflowing from his tone. It was an arrow to her heart, further proof of why she didn’t belong here.

Pushing her hair behind her ear, Elide nibbled the inside of her cheek. Eleven months and he hadn’t changed a single bit, even when she had. Would they still fit, their jagged edges smoothing in the presence of the other? She didn’t know. She wished she did.

“I have to go…” She hesitated, his name on the tip of her tongue. Getting over herself, she turned on her heel and strode away. Aelin had texted her saying she was going to the bar with Nehemia and the band. Elide was glad; she wouldn’t have to explain the way her chest constricted.

She was nearly to the stadium exit when she heard her name being shouted. Shaking her head, she brushed it off.

“Elide!” he shouted.

Her heart leaped. Her steps slowed before stopping. When she turned, he was jogging to a stop in front of her.

Lorcan panted, his hair a mess. “Gimme a sec,” he huffed. So Elide crossed her arms, tapping the toe of her boot against the concrete. “Elide, I can’t let you walk away again. I think I would die.”

“Not my problem,” Elide snapped, her patience wearing thinner by the second. She wanted to be far, far away, where her traitorous heart would stop fluttering in his presence.

His face fell. When she tried to leave for a third time, his hand encircled her wrist, prohibiting her from doing so.

Elide whirled on him, seething, _“Let me go.”_

“I can’t.” Lorcan took her hand, laying it flat on his chest above his heart, then covering it with his own. “I can’t, princess. _I love you._ I never stopped loving you.”

They were two different people now, didn’t he realise that? She had changed. She was not the girl he first met and fell in love with.

Elide ripped her hand away, suddenly cold with the loss of his heat. “I’m not the same girl you fell in love with!” she shouted.

Lorcan’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t care,” he told her, voice soft as if she were a rabid animal that needed soothing. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t. “Please, Elide. Let us start over. Can we do that?” The gentleness of his voice made her want to rage.

Something in her heart cracked and the anger flooded from her body. She had tried to forget him, to stop loving him. But she couldn’t. No matter how hard she tried, he was always there. Waiting for her.

So she nodded in agreement.

His smile was crooked as he stretched his hand out. “I’m Lorcan.”

“Elide.”

“I know this awesome little Chinese restaurant. You hungry?”

“Yes, actually.”

Elide walked alongside Lorcan to the restaurant, more of a little hole-in-the-wall place than anything. He chatted with the owner in the woman’s native language, securing them a table on the roof. The city looked beautiful from this height, lights winking on as the sun finally fell below the horizon.

> _I know you’re gonna be there_
> 
> _I know you’re gonna be there when it breaks_

The storm finally broke and when the skies cleared, he was there waiting for her.


End file.
